Making War

This past weekend has been a launching pad for me! I was forced to face myself for real. Sometimes we get so caught up in the religious routine of being a leader, teaching, praying, and being in place at church that we forget that God is not concerned with our works. He is concern with the position of our hearts. For the past month I have felt so far from God. I was holding on to so much disappointment, resentment, hurt, and FEAR.

I was afraid of Mary getting out of control, I feared my marriage failing, I feared people and their opinion of me, I feared that I was ineffective in ministry, I feared that my leader really did not want me around, I feared the idea that my family did not understand me, I feared the expectations that everyone had of me, I feared failure. FEAR had become who I was. I did not realize how fear can come upon you so strong and cause you to walk in hatred, anger, and push you away from the people who really love you.

Over the past two months I have been crying out to God to break off all these things that were trying to kill me. I was in a place of explosion. I was feeling like no one around me really cared about me. I kept playing over in my mind every negative word that has ever been said to me. I was remembering the past and my promise that I would never allow a man to hurt me again. Fear birthed suspicion. Suspicion birthed jealousy and jealousy birthed a spirit of Cain.

Please realize that this all started off as hurt and the hurt turned into iniquity. That Iniquity turned into anger and frustration. The Frustration caused me to go into protection mode. Protection mode is another word for Fear. When you begin to walk in fear you are forfeiting your right to your inheritance.

2 Tim states “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.”

When I was operating in fear, I was not walking in love, power, and self-discipline. Some versions say "sound mind" and I was not walking in a "sound mind" and therefore my decisions were not sound. The moment that I started walking in fear and the love left and I lost contact with my savior.

1 John 4:8 “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

So God brought me to a place were I could not go any further than the place of repentance. So Saturday I found myself elevating my heart above my head. The spirit of fear had to die! God is allowing us to bring our heart to Him and he is allowing things to surface so that you can deal with the true position of Heart. God is not concerned with your works but He is concerned with you heart! Revival starts with conviction and Repentance. When you are convicted (not condemed) you know it’s nothing that you can do in your own strength. Remember that repentance brings blessing. I have a weight lifted off my shoulders. I not only confessed to the Father but the Father forced me to expose myself to everyone in leadership that morning. I allowed the light of truth to shine on the darkest places of my heart. That light exposed every lie that the enemy was trying to get me to believe. Now the enemy has no rights to my heart.

I urge you to let go and let God. I know you have heard that before. But we have to get to a place where we realize that we sin against no one else but God. When we are angry and hurt and disappointed , God is bigger. When someone lets us down, God is bigger, When we have expectations that are not met, God’s thought are higher! We have to stop letting words, issues, situations and people keep us from knowing God.

I leave you with this 2 Cor 13:3 (Message)“If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the sake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t have love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So no matter what I say, what I believe and what I do I’m BANKRUPT without love. “

Let the love of God invade you. It’s not your leader. It’s not your mother and father. It’s not your sister and brother. It’s not your friend or foe. It’s you standing in the need of prayer and in that place of humility you will be able to push through the hurt, pain, fear, anger, and disappointment. God is bigger and His love can not operate in you when you are full of iniquity and unforgiveness.

Let it Go and Grab a hold of God! It’s too much work trying to be the one in control. It’s too much work always finding fault in someone else. It’s too much work being selfish. The Word tells us to cast our burdens on Him because His burden is light. Cast down every vain imagination that exalts itself higher than God. Get your mind steadfast on the Father and He will keep you in perfect peace. In all things acknowledge God and He will direct your path. WWJD …… He would draw the line in the sand and say to you cast the first stone.

I urge you to enter in 2010 baggage free! It’s some people that you need to forgive for real. It’s some repentance that you need to do. It’s some things that we have to give up and PRIDE is one of them! God is not the author of confusion and where there is division and confusion that is not God. That is the enemy.

I know this post is long but God just wants us to draw close to Him. He wants us to know Him and without true Love we do not know Him. I got to know Him! How about you?